Second work-out day

Today's menu

So - one month from tomorrow I hit 40 years old.  Ugh.  Here's what's causing frustration.

I.  Cannot. Lose. Weight. 

8lbs since August.  I'm learning to come to terms with disappointment in my life.  I'm starting to be okay with my plans failing, and happiness - or what I think will bring 'goodness' not happening.  I'm searching in my life for nothing, and that's what I find as I work towards my goals.

Why do I keep working? No idea.  Doesn't matter.  Still feel doing something is better than nothing.  Working out provides mental benefits, even if I never see 'real' physical benefits.  Hard body? Me? Never happen.  Even a passing beach body? No chance.   No hope.

I've lost my steam.  I'm marching towards nothing, really.   Ahead of me is bland.  vanilla.  Nothing will rise within me to push me through where I am at, to where I want to be.  Coming to terms with this is both liberating and frustrating.