Who am I?

Venting here - not a call to be cheered up; i know my immediate feelings will pass.  I have up days and down days.

Today someone asked me "Who are you?"

Who am I?  I started to answer that question with stats and data and I found my answer inadequate. 
I am not my job and I am not the duties I take upon myself nor my obligations.  I am not what I drive or where I live or if I am all of those things I am not regulated to the constants or habits in my life.

As I replied to the person who asked,  I'm a dreamer. Lover. Friend. Because I am scared I take action. I am vulnerable and lust for approval and acceptance. I would rather make a friend than prove a point. I do not like rejection for if others do not like me, how can I like myself? 

I have in my mind's eye the picture of where I want to be and with whom.  I envision a time where Darin is a man.  Strong and secure and sound in judgment and decision. 

Any excitement in my life stimulates and feeds my longing to know and feel more and feel those things deeper and richer with greater understanding and appreciation.  For that reason I act when others ponder.  For that reason I tread with purpose and deliberately towards my heart's desires.  Except when have those desires been met?   Settling or compromise destroys me.  Yet I tend to settle and excuse-away wants and needs. 

Another person said to me "Darin, I want your life".

I graciously accepted the compliment but keep secret the other conditions involved with my life.  To have my life one needs shoulders to carry my insecurity and fears. 

Here's the deal.  Bottom line near the bottom:

I want life and love - the most-important parts of those things to be EASY. E.A.S.Y.  I don't deserve easy, but I strive for Easy.  Love me because i forget to pick up my clothes off the floor.  Love me for wasting money on tokens of love - beyond their symbolism worthless, but endearing.  Love me for my crazy mind. Love me for my stream-of-consciousness thought process.  Love me for brainstorming aloud my answer to any problem.  Relax your body, laying into me knowing at some point, no matter how solemn the occasion, I just MIGHT make a pass at you.  Or cop a feel.

Know this about me and love this about me.  I am intense.  I am emotionally a little bit or a lot high maintenance. 

I wish I loved that about me.

Today's food - yes, an entire bottle of wine for dinner.

Bonus pics - my children; photo taken yesterday at the Henry Ford Museum.  And a photo of me, taken by my daughter, riding a 1913 Carousel.