Here's the deal - I generally fail at things. Remember me saying I have a self-defeatist tendency? So - I went to bed jazzed up - very excited for this journey.
When my alarm sounded at 0400 this morning I entertained a noticeable "I don't give a frack" attitude. Immediately I began negotiating with my body for more time to sleep. I ran through the litany of excuses perhaps you are familiar with - "I don't HAVE to work out. I'll do it later. Missing just ONE day won't matter...ugh...it's so early". Thankfully none of that worked. See - whether or not I worked out this morning I still had to get up to get to work. I LOVE this fitness program I'm in because it removes from me excuses to 'not do it'. With a noticeable groan I lifted my huge rump out of bed. I heard the bed "sigh" as it was relieved of my enormity.
Today I got to the fitness center (found a photo of the place, thanks to Google images) a couple minutes after 0600. Initially I felt lost. I left my house with a plan...I got to the fitness center with nothing. Okay..think Pemberton...
Arms. Chest. Back. Shoulders. That's my focus. I went to the inclined bench press and started with a 35lbs weight on each end of the 35lbs bar. Ugh. I managed six reps. When I was 17 I benched 265. I worked out with 180 pounds or so. Now I'm struggle under the burden of 105lbs. Heck, I've known/loved WOMEN who weigh that and less. (sigh). I dropped the weight by 10lbs on each side. I eked out 4 sets x 7-9 reps each set.
I stretched.
Walking to the dumbbells, I selected 15lbs weights. One set of 25 to warm up. I followed with two sets of 25lbs x 12 reps.
I stretched.
Over to a weird-pull-down type machine I destroyed my triceps, doing 3 sets of 40lbs x 15 reps of pull-downs (elbows in, slightly in front of me, pulling down on a rope handle, keeping my elbows stationary, and extending my arms down - make sense?). I remember laughing during my last rep because my arms were shaking and screaming at me to stop the insanity!
I stretched.
To a nautilus rowing machine. 4 sets x 50lbs of 15 reps, seated. I brought each handle to my pecs/nipple area and squeezed everything I could in my chest, lats, shoulders, arms and hands, then released to the rest position.
I stretched.
I drank water.
Okay - now it's 0640 and I move to the seated bike-thing. Two miles with my heart rate about 120 (according to the machine). I planned on 1.5 miles, but...decided to push it for two.
I left the machine jelly-legged and spent.
Off to shower.
While in the locker room I met a Soldier - he's ripped. Very much in shape. While he and I chatted about Iraq and what it's like to work where we work, I kept thinking "If I had that guy's build, I'd NEVER wear a shirt...ever." Followed by "There's no chance in hell I'll ever have that kind of build/fitness level. I'll never feel good about this saggy body"
I believe Henry Ford said "Whether you think you can, or you think you cannot, you're right".
At this moment, I can't. We'll see what tomorrow brings.
Okay - diet news: instead of one sammich I brought a wrap (turkey/ham stuff, mustard, lettuce, cucumber). Having half a wrap twice a day saves me 6 grams of carbs vs a sammich. :) I figured out each of my daily sandwich is ~300 calories. So - on a typical day I have 600 calories in sandwich, 100 in a yogurt or banana, and probably 3-400 for dinner (I haven't normalized my dinner yet).
Miscellaneous photo of me, circa 1993:
I continue to struggle with body issues. Some folks really do mean well telling me I'm "attractive" or whatever - but I will never believe it. Probably ever. I get glimpses of feeling somewhat attractive until I contrast my body, face - everything with those around me. Passing in the halls my thoughts move from "I'm glad I'm not THAT out of shape" as I see other men - all the way to "I bet that guy is glad he's not as fat as ME".
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