Mentally-emotionally I'm weird today. Somebody asked why i can't see myself ever having a body I'm proud of. I found answers difficult - but if I were to guess, I'd guess it's because I've never known what its like to be 'proud' of most-anything. I can't recall finding pride in an accomplishment. I pick-apart performances often worried about things I didn't do, or things I did poorly.
I sub-goal for me now - lose 40lbs before I reach 40 years old. I'm 4 months from that goal. I have lost ZERO pounds, really, the whole month of August. I'm trying to increase my calorie intake to see if that helps. Right now i'm solid about 900 calories per day. I'm struggling to increase that to about 1500, but its difficult to force more food in me. Beyond physical constraints of my stomach now, the pyschology of eating more is at odds with my desire to eat less.
Today's meals:
Honey Nut cheerios + skim milk = 200 calories
Yogurt = 150 calories
High-protein shake = 170 calories
Salad w/ bluberries, feta, and mixed green stuff. No dressing = 300 calories
That's about 750-800 calories so far. I'll try to double that before this evening. I'll have one more salad around lunch...and maybe a bag of pistachios...then dinner.
Daily photos:
Me, August 1996, ~200lbs _________________________ Me, maybe SOMEDAY...thanks to Photoshop :)
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